why do I get inked

I got my very first tattoo 2 years ago. It’s a charming daruma-inspired one that I stumbled upon on Google. I didn’t have the chance to reach out for the designer before having it but hopefully I could make a way someday.

Every now and then, a few tattoo ideas have been playing in my mind such as my bf’s illustration of Fertility Goddess (which was a cover photo of their indie comics) as a back piece, fertility ring by Fang-Od (the last mambabatok/traditional tattoo), and recently I got settled for something bigger than my daruma but bold (literally maybe) till I came across Stella Im Hultberg‘s works of art. I got to know her from reading Audrey Kawasaki‘s blog few years back. They make similar subject which is a girl in different poses, different emotions, both mystic. Though I have thought of getting a Kawasaki tattoo, I held back. Prolly due to scattered Kawasaki-inspired designs I see all over the web. Enter moment of clarity, I NEED A STELLA IM HULTBERG’S ON MY SKIN!

The truth is, I already asked permission to her a few days ago and she granted it right away. She said she didn’t really mind. In fact, there’s an album of tattoos of her art on her Facebook page. Can you imagine my reaction? Totally psyched now!

To recall my goals for the previous year, one of them was to reach Fang Od in the mountains of Cordillera and get a tattoo done by her. Sadly though, I only had a few days off before the year ended and it seemed unfavorable. Then I had a plan B. Yihaa! I’ll just update this blog when it’s done. I have high hopes because I know my artist can give a justice for my chosen artwork.

While pondering about getting another tattoo, this came up to me:

Why do I want another tattoo? Or more? Do I want to appear like a smorgasbord? Do I just want to look cool? Answer is a big NO, of course. People usually perceive this way. Tattoos are cool. You look cool with tattoos. Though we can never prove it wrong. As for me, I get inked because there’s a need to materialize all the pains I’ve been keeping inside me. Pains from all the heartaches, hits and misses, longing, struggling for a better future, and some more which I can never tell. I need this kind of pain which I try to overcome and after all the excruciating pain I know I get stronger than ever. Yep. I know it’s weird, too. I know emotional pain is more brutal so I need to stop it once in a while. I need to overcome it at the right time. Therefore, I don’t know how many more tattoos do I need in my life to feed this frenzy. I hope it’s not too much. I cannot simply hurt myself. I cannot simply ask somebody to hurt me. This is the only way I can get a legit pain. Yes, I’m pathetic. 

2013 has been fairly humble to me. It also marked my quarter life crisis and perhaps I am slowly figuring out the puzzle of my life. About what should I be. Where should I be. And to make it happen without any hassle, I need to end the two-year-old ache inside.



UPDATE: Still on scaling phase